Heartbreak and friendship.
Three years ago my wife and I found out we had lost our son. A miss-carriage had taken my son Levi Yates and modern medicine could not explain it. Statistically it is comment with first pregnancies I was told. At least I was the mathematical average. Such a relief.
I can pace every inch of the OR room. I could draw it out by memory if ever the need arose. My child would need to be medically removed. Such a fucking clinical verbiage that only MDs are comfortable with. My wife was wheeled into an operating room and I was left alone in a room full of instrumentation and the smell of bulk hand sanitizer. Anger and sadness filled me. I wanted to break the bones of someone responsible and yet there was no one…
As I sat fuming in this room I received an email. Who checks email at a time like this? Recently I had met a guy at a house warming party and his name was Matthew. A man I barely knew shared my pain and love for me in this digital age. He had been down this road and instantaneously we were brothers. My pal Matthew had been in basically my exact situation in years prior and offered his love and prayers. It meant the world to me. In a time that I was unsure about life and love a man that I barely knew reached out to save me. To offer his story and love in exchange for my pain. He shared his pain and confusion and somehow I felt at peace.
I sat alone in a waiting room waiting on my wife to return while reading the emails from Matthew and his wife Amy. I am not a strong man when it comes to medical environments. The smell of a hospital makes me weak in the knees and the thoughts of IVs makes me faint. Somehow I felt triumphant. I could defeat this demon that lay before me. I knew a man and woman that had walked this road and arose triumphant. Likewise I could do the same. I am the man that could/would outlive this bastard of a situation.
To this day I am super thankful for the love and support of Matthew. He is one of the most loyal and supportive men I know. We are brothers on this road of life. We are both men of broken lives and families. We morn the lives of children we never had and yet celebrate our the children we are honored to hold and steward. Our Lord is one of redemption and love. He is victorious of death and the grace. This brings be great peace.
*This post was written through tears and sorrow and I hope you excuse the grammar and typos.